The things I do and I don't do

Saddest fucking life.

Perhaps everything is the way it is only after you define it. I was walking home after some discussion at school today and it started snowing. Just some same shit routine. Every day I walk home alone, think about the things I'd do and I wouldn't do, all the other things I can never do and how insignificant whatever I'll be doing.

I just failed two exams for one of my classes. The first one everyone in the class kind of failed so he gave us another exam to make up for it, and I failed again. I mean there is still a possibility to pass the class, but how fucking sad this is. 3 pages of calculations and derivations, got 3 crosses in return. That's pretty helpful, but yeah I'm still gonna work hard for it. Another project shit from another class is going okay-ish, since we get to copy from other groups and shit, so yeah basically average. I mean other than that there's nothing much. It's just classes and home and classes and home.

Things I can't do, or at least I think I can't do, whatever man. Things I wouldn't do, whatever man. Things I can do, whatever man. Things I have to do, I'll still have to do em.

I mean I don't even know what do I work for. People be looking at me and go like, woah, that asian dude who is really into his studies and shit in class. This guy wanna get a high flying job here and work his ass off the clock. He gon do research and stuff and be like the next Nobel Prize winner or some shit. No man, I don't even wanna be here. Don't send graduate school brochures to me. Don't send career fair information to me. Don't send research shit to me. I don't even wanna do shit related to this.

Who really really did want to do whatever it is they're doing anyways. That education system which tells you only doctors or pharmacists or engineers or lawyers are acceptable. God even economist was usually labelled shit back then, not so much so now. Oh well.

Question, why can't humans hibernate like bears? I mean you would usually compare human to apes or primates, but why not hibernate? Actually thought of doing that when winter kills.

And one thing came across my mind multiple times, with all the shootings happening around here, I actually wanna experience getting shot at, like not fatally but just a little bit. I don't know I'm stupid maybe.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."   Maybe. Maybe. But yeah I'm not that huge of a believer. I might be when I have the time. peace out boys.