The presentation went okay until I noticed people looking at me when I wasn't talking. I mean like look at the person who is presenting why were these three people looking at me? And the two girls even whispered to each other and shit and had their eyes locked on me I'm like what?! Then there was this asshole. Who cares about him he can judge me all he wants.
And of course I didn't do well on the exam, but I have no clue why did everything feel so shitty. I walked out of class and I could barely look up, didn't even want to think or anything, only crossed the street when the lights turned white.
Thursday there was this meeting with the professor for the project. I decided to go because I thought I could use some advice. Let's get this straight, I don't usually talk in class, I don't ask questions in class, but I am by no means a bad student. I am lazy, I am quiet, I am shy, I am polite, I am not a bad student. (Or maybe all these make a bad student to them) When I asked the professor what I wanted to know, he was like yeah your group's time is over, I can't do it.
I get that he was tired, he's not young and all, but I don't know. He spent 5 minutes talking to my friend about something unrelated to the project, but he couldn't look at my stuffs and what I've done and all. I get that he was tired, he's not young and all.
It's the weather I tell myself.
On the way home it rained, like a real rain, typical Malaysian rain sort of. But it's called tornado storm here. My jeans was all wet, shoes all soaked, with a tiny umbrella all I could do was to keep my laptop dry.
It really should be the weather I think. Not feeling down at all, just feeling shitty.
Went to counselling this morning, thought I wasn't gonna get anything out of it, and I didn't. I do not see myself having the ability to get him to go and the psychologist will not have the ability to do anything or even decide if I'm the one with issues here without seeing him. It was nice though, to have someone listening to you, even though I feel judged a lot of times.
"I'm afraid of the consequences of xxxxxx" I said.
"What are you afraid of?" She said.
Laughs, "you know like him being xxxxx and can't function normally in life." me.
Laughs, "you know like him being xxxxx and can't function normally in life." me.
"And you're concerned?" her.
"It says here that you go on diet sometimes." her.
"Look at me, I'm huge!" me.
"Look at me, I'm huge!" me.
"And you are very eager to leave this school?" her.
"Nah just the whole studying thing. I mean, who isn't?" me.
I know she's young and all but I just felt she could have done better than this lol.
I know she's young and all but I just felt she could have done better than this lol.
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Okay writing crap here does help. Shit level went down a notch.
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