War- Declared!!

Yes. Again, I'm thinking too much.
Should I think of what the other people whom I looked up to is doing at this moment and do what they are doing because I want to be like them, which is why I looked up to them?
Hey, the next second I'm thinking again, I am me, why should I follow?
The next thought that came to my mind, they are doing well and I'm fxxked up, so why not?
I think I should do what I want.

The fact is, I do have big dreams, big but not long term. I do want to do things they do. I did have what it takes to dream. So, I should be? Well, I'd love to be like them, going to study overseas and so on.

Also, there is another type of people whom I looked up to, they are enjoying before this, now and they will also be enjoying later. I want to be like them too. Harsh but true, I feel like it's harder to achieve this. Can be because of me, but probably not.

Two different personalities, one me, for now.

Errm, I guess I want to be both. Mixed, just like my mind now.

To give up a thing you have always wanted is hard, and giving up a thing of yours is hard too. Is there a difference? I'm never gonna give you up though, no matter is it the former or the latter. Thanks.