Once you recognize something as a problem, it will appear to you as a problem for quite some time.

So I was told in my face by a person that people think I’m very quiet and do not wish to communicate, god knows what they would say behind my back. Probably they’d think I’m a snob, or difficult, that’s okay. They might even think I’m super stupid and can only study. That can’t be true because I can’t study.

I never thought that the problem was with my coworkers, and I don’t wanna make it easy by saying I’m the problem. Perhaps I never should’ve come here and everyone would be happy. I do not think they know what it’s like to live in a different place, even if it’s just KL. Which is why all of them get along so well and I can’t seem to be a part of their party. That’s totally fine for them because they’re happy that way, and I’m glad they’re happy. I just do not belong and to try to fake my own personality to be a part of them will, 1. Make me one of them. 2. I might suffer along the way.

It’s not like I never tried, I have done so and not only was it awkward, it eats up a little of me every single time. I wonder if it would be different in other places, where people know what it’s like meeting people with different background. Perhaps it’s still the same, who knows.

And I’m not saying I’ll be a people person once I see these people who know how to deal with it, I will be a quiet person who completes my job and they will be not be disturbed just because I don’t talk much. 

Edit: 

So I wrote those yesterday. Today I had things to do, I learned stuffs, and I had to go for lunch in the girls' car, which wasn't too bad. I think they found me to be less quiet and a little bit funny. Takes time it sure does. 

And also I was given more shit. My supervisor asked me to travel somewhere just to bring a worker there to do work, and also promised the office that I would attend the how-to-drive-a-forklift training tomorrow, a Saturday. Then he also told another department's head to tell me that from today onward I'm going to his department because they need someone. NOT A SINGLE WORD FROM HIM TO ME. All these when he's not even here, he's vacationing. 

1. I told you I wasn't gonna do well as sales at the interview. 

2. I tried my best to do whatever's given without being given guidance, when I don't know I have to ask and to be answered with, "give me a minute" or "I'll talk to you later". 

3. You can choose to not like me, but don't let me rot and think that I am good-for-nothing and feel like shit everyday. 

4. If you're that busy and can't guide me, don't promise such and such. 

5. If you're that busy don't let me see you bullshitting around the office. 

Oh well, guess that's how you succeed in the business. You need to make people believe in you and never deliver what people want, just give them what they need. I'm not even mad, I'm just exhausted, and I feel like shit every day because I think I am a worthless piece of shit and I can't even do shit.